In Praise of the Adult Sleepover

I adore my former roommate Christine. We lived together for a year and a half in 1997, and we’ve stayed friends ever since.

I see Christine every few months now. We’ve both gotten so busy with our lives and work, we don’t just have the time to hang out much anymore. Right after she heard about the fire, she invited me to stay. For the first few days, I couldn’t do anything new. I didn’t want to talk to anyone besides people I loved, people who went through the fire, or people who worked with fire. Friends near and far offered me places to stay. I had two requests: It had to be within a few miles of my house (er, former house) in San Francisco, and it had to be a house I’d visited before. More than anything else, I needed continuity.

Sleepover at Hogwarts would be even better.
Sleepover at Hogwarts would be even better.

I knew I’d love staying with Christine, but it’s been even better than I’d imagined. In 1997, us five Ashbury girls would meet in the living room late at night (or early in the morning) and rehash dates and parties. In 2012, Christine and I are meeting in the living room over burrata and caprese salad and rehashing asbestos reports, family funerals and arson investigators. We’ve gossiped and giggled and talked about clothes and shopping and work and boyfriends. It feels like the closest thing to home I have in San Francisco.

Here’s my question: Why don’t we all do this more? Let’s bring back the adult sleepover. Er, let’s invent the adult platonic sleepover. I love having long-distance friends, since I often stay in their guest rooms while visiting. We stay up late at night and chat about whatever we want. Because I’m staying over, there’s less pressure to formally entertain.

Make a plan. Find a friend and agree to it today, for no reason whatsoever. Do it before your house burns down.

7 thoughts on “In Praise of the Adult Sleepover

    1. pookypants says:

      Haha! Dana: I was totally thinking of you guys when I wrote this post. I love staying there and just hanging out in the backyard, chasing fairies and pretending to have stomachs on our heads.


  1. Francis Tapon says:

    I’ve been doing adult sleepovers for years – especially with the advent of Couchsurfing. It’s a pity that so many people are so reticent about it. Today a classmate invited me to have dinner in Berkeley and he said, “Afterwards, you can sleep over if you like!”
    That was so nice and it should happen more often, even with people who live nearby.

    I just heard about your burnt house! If I can help, let me know!!! Need a place to sleep? 🙂


  2. chai bean says:

    So my house is all prepped and ready for a sleepover. And I have a cutie pie baby to play with as well (who goes to bed by 7 so no worries about having to go to bed early in this house- I rock it until midnight on school nights!! Er… work nights! Regularly! Let’s pick a date!! Maybe we can cook some amazing food together and play Scrabble or some such silliness.


    1. pookypants says:

      I LOVE how something like this comes from something so awful. Yes! I would LOVE to have a sleepover! You know that I work in Menlo Park, right? A worknight would be perfect for me. We’ve had an amazing connection since we were 13 years old, and when I saw you three years ago, that connection was right back to where it was in 1984. Thanks so much for your sweet posts. I’m looking forward to our sleepover, and meeting your beautiful Aveline. 🙂


      1. chai bean says:

        Not half as excited as I am. And I work in Belmont now, so I can pick you up on the way home and we can carpool to work the next day, too, if you’d like. Yay!! (Weekends are open as well, by the way).


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